and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
