but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
