she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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