Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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