You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
