Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Randomize
