but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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