she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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