That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
