forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
