3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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