My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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