Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i used baking grease as lip gloss
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
