Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I've blown a few things in my day
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
