Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
