I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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