More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
