I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
