Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize