are you still at the devil's house?
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
