I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Randomize
