; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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