I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You need Xanax blowdarts
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
