Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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