Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
