If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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