I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
