Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
