Your dad touched me again.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
