i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
