Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
