I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
look no pants
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
