someone get that fucking seahorse.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
