oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
