I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
