Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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