Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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