I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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