Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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