No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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