If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Blood and glitter go together right?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
