For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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