I will die if light touches me.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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