Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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