My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
