I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
