I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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