New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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