You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I have already put on my inside pants.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
