she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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