Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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