don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize