That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
