why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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