Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
