My room smells like vodka and shame
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
