farters have to be the big spoon...
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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