i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
