ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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