what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
