Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize