You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
