She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I understand Curling. That high.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
