Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
someone owes me an orgasm
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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